Insights from the world of bondage
He lies there, tightly tied, almost like a small package. His hands behind his back, the ropes through his mouth, and he looks at you with almost pleading eyes. What will happen to him next...? But no matter what he wants, you can decide and determine the next actions. And he knows that.
Shackles, bondage, shibari - the kinky game with the ropes has many names. And yet the focus is always on the togetherness between two people. One partner's surrender and the other's holding. The ropes are like a medium with which we fix our partner, but also send messages and signals with which we express our will and with which we react to the impulses of our partner.
The term "rigger" means the actively tying. The passive counterpart is usually called “model” or “rope bunny”.
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The author of the article is Dan Apus Monoceros, coach and rigger from Berlin. He started tying up almost 20 years ago. Since then he has also been on stage regularly as an artist, gives live shows and performances, offers various ways of trying things out, and in his own studio in Mitte also a well-coordinated, course concept that builds on one another.
There he also regularly introduces his participants to the art of bondage, teaching from the first basic exercises to complex movements in the air. Not only these transitions and suspensions are in focus, but also the emotional, intimate and sexual side of the bondage.
If you want more information, the best way to reach Dan is via WhatsApp or Telegram: 015757096898 | @DanApusMonoceros
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Why do we tie up?
Defenselessness, no longer having freedom of movement or decision-making, devotion, security, giving or receiving support, closeness, submissiveness, humiliation, loss of control, pain, sexual stimulation, aesthetics, holding or supporting certain positions more easily, wild sex, kinky play or just enjoy being tied up.
There are many reasons why people tie. For some it is more of a functional element that initiates the rest of the game and puts the partner in a defenseless position or position. For others, bondage is the core element and nothing else is needed.
What's your reason? Write it in the comments or send me a message!
"It's just nice to surrender, let go and give up control."
In this article
In this article, we primarily want to deal with the small, fascinating details of bondage, which turn a technical and safe procedure into an exciting and intimate session. The article does not place a clear focus on a specific style and assumes the basis of secure bondage. Consensus, connection, trust, before and after talks are not elements of this article, but of every BDSM session.
Rope bondage - even if you think you're doing everything right - carries risks and dangers and can lead to serious damage. In the case of inexperienced riggers or bunnies who have no basic knowledge here, the risk is correspondingly higher. The things described here are therefore not intended to be imitated.
Bonding Types and Styles
There are fundamental differences in tying depending on the aim and purpose of tying. If you want to evoke more holding and benevolent feelings, you do it differently than if you want to cause pain, if you want to exert dominance with the ropes, or if you want to hold your partner in a certain position and support him in it... or if you want to do a photo shoot with nice bondage and poses ... or if bondage is to be used primarily for sex ... In Japanese, where bondage (they call it shibari) has a much longer tradition, there are different names for the various bondage applications, such as kinbaku, semenawa or hojojutsu . Different bondage styles have also developed here according to different teachers and have been given their own names, which have then built up their own entire philosophy behind them.
If you are not fully committed to a certain teaching, you can work very flexibly and find your own bondage concept. However, we should take away from this thought that restraints can be very different depending on the application and objective, that many restraints build on each other and that bondage is not just simple knotting, but that there can also be more behind it. Over time, every tie will find their own style and approach and develop it further in how they like to tie. However, this does not prevent you from adapting to the situation and, if you have several styles, from providing each partner with an experience that is suitable and exciting in their own way.
The influence of the material
The article also does not want to go into the different materials that are available for tying up. However, it should be mentioned that the choice of material often results from the respective bondage objective. However, since the materials have different properties, this should lead to different bondage techniques that go hand in hand with the particular characteristics of the material.
Example: Cotton is often used for the bondage of rubber bunnies, because cotton can be washed relatively easily, so the silicone oil can be removed. White cotton also gives a nice contrast to the often black rubber. However, cotton has a much higher elasticity (about 4 to 6 times) than hemp and knots become much tighter and harder to untie. Therefore, weaving techniques are often used instead of knotting techniques when working with cotton, so that the ropes can be loosened more easily afterwards.
Understand the structure of bondage
Technically, bondage can be broken down into the following elements:
The simplest element is a knot. This can have different properties and therefore it makes sense to use the right knot at the right time. This is connected to a bondage with windings. Several partial restraints can then be combined into a total restraint, which puts the partner in a certain position. However, these "figures" can be achieved with various restraints and techniques. To a certain extent, knots, wraps and restraints are interchangeable.
However, there are combinations that make more sense than others, and some combinations can even cause (un)wanted additional effects or damage. Depending on the situation, you can create pressure, pain, breath reduction, insecurity, or something similar. Depending on what you want to achieve, you choose the appropriate combination. However, this requires very good knowledge and skills to achieve this.
The whole thing is then built into one session, whereby much more than just the pure rope and knot technique is required here.
Rope handling and tension
Learning bondage techniques isn't just about knots, wraps and positions, it's also about the technique behind it. Rope handling describes how to tie knots and wraps, how knots are made in a targeted and precise manner, how to tie knots safely even in the dark, how to put on the rope and pull it taut and where you might loosen it a little. But rope handling also includes how to wind up the ropes so that they are quickly to hand and ready for use again, or how to put them aside when you take a break.
Speed and rhythm
If you tie, there is no time pressure to get to the result. The wrapping itself can already be the result (depending on how you define it for yourself). If you decide this for yourself, the goal is already to tie up and if you do this with a lot of calm and serenity, you already have a very intense and intimate game here if you enjoy every winding, layer by layer. Others prefer a quick, almost overwhelming bondage, where the partner does not even know what is happening to him and he is in a defenseless situation almost immediately and can only surrender and enjoy. But also the combination where some ropes surprise the partner almost at lightning speed and others gleefully restrict the partner. Everyone has to find their own style here and experimenting with the speed is an exciting medium, as the same bondage can suddenly be completely different.
Pro Tip:
When you determine the speed, pay attention to your partner's breathing or heartbeat and try to synchronize with them. Also adjust your own breathing here. How about the rhythm of appropriate music that you hear along with it? Here both partners can get involved with the beat and thus synchronize more easily.
distance and closeness
Proximity and distance are also exciting elements. This doesn't just happen with the guiding hand, but with the whole body, with looks or breath... For example, with the hand that glides over the body when wrapping and touches it delicately... intimately and indecently, or rather petting and caressing? But also the other parts of the body. Are you close to your partner with your hips or rather distant? Cheek to cheek? Or rather the intense look into or the dominance through the eyes?
How close you get to your partner is of course a matter of taste and should also be agreed in advance. But both approaches have their justification, even if you practice a purely asexual bondage. Proximity is in the direction of holding and catching someone. This can often be used to get him further. It reflects trust and connection and one can share the suffering in a way.
But distance also has its charms. Being alone, the personal challenge in the situation or calmly turning in on yourself and switching off.
Again, the combination is probably the most exciting variant. Build up the desire for closeness in your partner, give it to him and then withdraw it, just to let him feel that he really needs it and that he is dependent on you. It is of course up to you how you design it, but forming a story with the opposite poles is an exciting possibility.
How do you feel about that?
Leading your partner
Guiding the partner into a certain position is another essential element. Of course, this can be done verbally, "knee down" or by hand by pressing them down. However, experienced couples can already understand this with small touches. A tip and the partner turns, a small nudge and the bunny moves in the appropriate direction. But such impulses can also be transmitted via the rope. If you want, you can also do this more powerfully. Weaker partners use pain points on the body for this. The game can then be like a kind of brawl or fight and depending on what you agree on, your partner can fight back here, too.The way you lead your partner is an essential part of the game and can put them in the right headspace early on (more on that later).
The small details and challenges
In addition to the big restraints, there are often small details, such as the integration of fingers, heads or toes. But also integrating a rope around the testicles, which is then connected via a pulley with the raised foot, for example, can have a significant effect. Although they are mostly used as a supplement, if you use them skillfully, you can also use them as a starting point for a bondage.
Depending on whether you want a long and comfortable bondage or whether you want to offer your partner the thrill of small challenges, you can achieve a lot with these details and make it particularly exciting for your partner.
Creating tightness by utilizing flexibility and relaxation
When doing the bondage, it's also important to consider the flexibility and agility of the partner's body. This applies not only to people who may be restricted here, but above all to people who are particularly flexible and stretched here. Because sometimes even small changes in posture are enough to weaken a previously tight bondage again. Especially with more muscular partners it is the case that as soon as they no longer tense their muscles, the tension in the ropes often disappears and they almost fall off. Over time, when our partner feels comfortable and goes, the muscles will often relax on their own and the ropes can be tightened again by cross-connections and counter-traction, even if the original ropes can no longer be tightened directly.
Practice makes perfect
The things listed here are just an insight into the exciting world of bondage and are by no means exhaustive. There is so much more to discover!
But if you want to implement it, you should be familiar with the basics of bondage and have internalized the essential elements. Of course, this requires a lot of practice and repeated application in new situations and variants. So-called muscle memory is crucial here and we can't help but learn the knots and wraps so well that we can do them blindfolded.
But not only the knots are essential. Knowing and sharing how you integrate the above elements is also important. It is about recognizing these (and others), decoding them and making them real through practices. Everyone has to find the right ones for themselves that best suit their own style. In my courses, for example, I put an explicit focus on integrating such elements in addition to the standard restraints and on being able to experiment and try them out in the course.
What's more?
There is much more to the world of ropes than has been possible to describe in this short article. Would you like to learn more here, to make your own more in-depth experiences? Spice up your sexual bondage or learn more complex (hanging) bondage? Learning small details, how to polish your existing knowledge or how to create feelings in your partner? Write me a message. I offer workshops and courses, as well as private learning and experiences for all genders and orientations.